Zayne at DisneyLand Paris
My absolute favorite thing about myself if being a mother, and of course being a wife. I never could have estimated how much love two people could have for a child until Zayne., and then the amont of growth a child can bring for spouses. Zayne at 3.5 years old has had some up hill battles with having a speech delay.... oh wait, you didn't know well, the secret is out of the bag. Every child is different, where a child strives other children may not and vice versa... I have now heard it all, some positive and some negative, and I chose to accept my child is striving in most areas, but has a speech delay. Every single day is the hardest for Zayne, not only can he not tell me exactly what he is wanting to say and throw in military life where Dad is always working and it always rains to the anxiety Zayne go thru with strangers and strange places, but the best part is if he likes you, you will be showered with hugs and kisses and high fives and knuckle bumps to now speaking to complete strangers to telling Michael and myself, he loves up a million times a day to watching him do Pat-a-cake in the middle of Disneyland paris. Zayne is absolutely mind blowing, he makes our life a million times better every single day. And for that life is good!
For all the people that have said things like, there is something wrong with that kid, or make statements saying that oh its because she doesn't work with him or why is he so shy, why why why??? And for the people who have made a point to be positive on the darkest of days with, he will talk when he wants to, or you are such a great mom, anyone can see by how much Zayne loves you. I believe that positive hope and kind words have always influenced even the worst situations... you give a person hope, you give them the world. Zayne has always been and will always be my shining star, and no matter what he does or what he doesn't do will never change the love and respect I have for him. I have taken out of my life all the negativity and anxiety (for the most part) and challenged myself to do everything I could to help Zayne find his voice, because thats what it is all about.. Its not about how much you work with someone, talking is a natural phenomenom even a child with no parental guidance will mimic sounds and words even from the television, if a child cannot understand how to begin the process of talking then you have to patiently wait till the moment just like Zayne has done recently to want to find his voice. But coming home to our families and friends is much more stressful then most understand, I mean what is one to expect of Zayne, he certainly doesn't remember all the people he sees, now he certainly knows his grandparents, each one has made a point to be in Zaynes life, even thru distance skype and visits have helped Zayne to know his grandmothers and grandfather and to always know who papaw is, legacies live on after one passes, quite frankly he is never around so many new people and new places and a whole new time zone, i I have spent so much time focusing on what I believed was signs of autism, that I took time away from what my gut always told me, speech delay. Let's say I am fully educated on Autism. Every child is beautifully intelligent. Every.single.one!
autism
ˈɔːtɪz(ə)m/
noun
- 1.a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.
Scary isn't it?? Well not for me, I've had Zayne tested now twice and accepted by both that Zayne does not have autism, he has a speech delay. If anyone knows anything about the Air Force is if you need something, be prepared to wait. Since December during our leave I have had testing done, done all the jumping through hoops needed to get a speech therapist to work with Zayne. Thank goodness in the mean time that Zayne has developed the urge to learn and speak and mimic.. if it was up the the Air Force, which we are still waiting , I'm sure we will always be waiting for things to happen, you have to make it happen yourself!
Zayne is coming along beautifully and for all those that do not understand the effect it can have on a mother's life, it is extremely hard, the waves of emotions you feel can just about devastate others, I think the hardest is to ignore the negativity and separate yourself from those situations and people. I believe the most honest feeling a mother can feel when your child is delayed in an area that everyone notices is blaming yourself. I believe the guilt one can put on themselves is something you certainly wish didn't happen but it sneaks up on you, even on the best day. When you combine guilt and blame with what others say it can be devastating to anyone. That is simply why I have stepped back to appreciate the things that are most important to me, Michael, Zayne and our families, and the one or two other people that make a point of being in our lives... any thing else is small in equivalence to the life I live everyday with the two things that make a point to love me unconditionally and to make everyday the very best, even on the worst day. Simply stating the obvious, We are a family of three, working together to do everything we can to motivate Zayne to want to talk, and to be stress free in places where he is completely uncomfortable, its up to me to help him even when he cannot find the words to tell me, and until that day comes, any negativity any whispered words are not needed, nor accepted in this house. Life is too short to make a point to make someone feel bad or do it out of pure spite. It is the positivity that makes any person strive. This blog is to document the hardships and milestones that happen daily, so for anyone wanting to catch up on the many adventures of the Blevins stay tuned!
